Up page 16 Kitar87

September 30, 2009

HAIR-BALL

SHORTAGE

Mayor Janusch

KITAR87 The kitten reactors on sector 15 of Cortar on Kitar87 failed this morning. “We just can’t maintain the pressure without adequate hair-ball supplication” say scientists. “We have tried time and time again to find an alternative fuel source but there is just nothing that compares to a soggy feline hair-ball.” One scientist even tried experimenting with creating his own hair-balls using a variety of materials. “I have been licking a number of exotic mammals from canines to marmosets but my own gastric fluids cannot compare to the binding properties found in a felines fuzzy tummy.”

Without enough hair-ball fuel Cortar and the rest of Kitar87 may soon find itself without the resources to maintain it’s artificial atmosphere. The destruction of the biosphere may lead to asphyxiation and the internal detonation of each and every Kitarians cranium.

“We’re doomed” says Cortar Mayor Janusch.

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Up page 15 BREAKING NEWS

September 29, 2009

BREAKING NEWS

In a frightening bid to secure the last remaining felines in the Milky Way several spacemen tackled two unsuspecting housewives fleeing the pursuit of a gigantic robotic blue dragon. Despite their advanced duct weaponry and cunning space skills the two extra terrestrials were outwitted when the women, rather than falling over relinquishing the kitties instead let loose with a fresh can of mace. The two extra solar beings responded in kind with a quick twist of their advanced duct weaponry and managed to stick a bit of stuckery to the hind of one of the kitties. This was quickly followed by a swift pursuit of yet one more kitty which was doomed to failure as the kitten reactors on their home planet of Kitar87 began to crumble as they slowly ran out of feline fuel.